Vancouver Secrets

Lying To Be Perfect – Olympic Games

Vancouver Is Awesome…

As the 2010 games approach, the PR blitz has begun.

But just like the Miss America 2010 Winner, Vancouver will need to hide its blemishes.

We have more than a few groups ready to challenge the Winter Olympics committee’s best efforts at packaging us:

We have the Anarchists: Anti-2010 protesters, some carrying black flags and burning torches, gathered for what had all the hallmarks of a dress rehearsal for the street protests that could erupt during the Winter Games just over two weeks away.

Wherever the world’s media is, you can count on the nuts to arrive.

Don’t worry though, we have been given the rules:

If you’re coming here to protest, just follow the rules please. Unfortunately, Vancouver anarchists can’t read. Also, we get to see how valid our Canadian Charter Of Rights really is, against an omnipotent Olympic committee.

Our well-planned  weather emergency is set for next week. (Even though in only city in Canada that never gets snow, we aren’t getting snow.)

Some background:

I looked out the taxi window again. It was another city. Dozens of people stood in what looked like a breadline outside a shelter. At least 100 people sat or lay on garbage-strewn sidewalks. Surrounding buildings were boarded up. A skeleton of a woman was begging on the curb.

Had the Great Recession finally hit Vancouver? Had I been transported to Detroit?

Nope. Just another day in the Downtown Eastside, on East Hastings Street. First, I wondered if the people at Mercer had seen this. Then I wondered what our political leaders have been doing for the last five years.

Many hoped the arrival of the Olympics would be a catalyst for action on our poverty ghetto. The conventional wisdom was we had no intention of being embarrassed as the world watched in 2010. By now, our leaders were supposed to have put in the resources and brainpower to make strides to help the poor get off the streets.

Well, it looks like they’ve failed.

This is hammered home by the report’s idea of “launching the extreme weather response shelter program for the duration of the games.” Translation? Even if it isn’t cold, we’ll open the beds to get the homeless off the streets and out of those TV shots during the Games.

Good – now that we have East Hastings hidden, let the games begin.

Cars are not allowed – take a bus, like it or not. Vancouver transit is great. Let’s hope they stop the practice of giving our homeless free rides. Nothing like a shaking meth/heroin addict to scare you off the bus. Hopefully, our weather emergency will relocate these people.

Vancouverites have been lectured to not forget to mind our manners… they even they’ve printed a 4-page guide to tell us how to act. Someone upstairs believes Vancouver residents need this. Hmmm.

Last, as an incredible indicator of how the 2010 games are the great hope for our salvation is the auction of the main venue while the games are on. That’s another first…

Whislter is going to the top bidder. Creditors holding $1.4 billion (U.S.) in debt on Intrawest ULC have begun foreclosure proceedings on some of the company’s assets, including the Whistler Blackcomb ski resort, and say they plan to auction them off on Feb. 19. Get there early if you’ve always wanted to own an overpriced ski resort.

My advice to would be buyers: Wait till October 2010 - we’ll have gotten the bill for the games, realize just how much they’ve charged up on our card. The anticipated boom in real estate will become a mirage.

It’s all part of the game of lying to be perfect.

Hope the organizers prove me wrong – that this wasn’t just a looting of BC.

iPad – Wondering If Apple Searched Online

When you name something, you do some research.

Mad TV came up with the iPad name and angle in 2007. And Apple probably missed it.

“Please don’t make us explain how it works”.  How long till they come out with the IMaxiPad.

Saskatchewan Throwing Millions At Our Olympics

The story that has some in Saskatchewan up-in-arms is that they are over budget and spending 4.1 million on the pavillion for the 2010 Winter Games.  Saskatchewan’s total expenditure for the games is $7.2 million.

Let’s keep things in perspective:

- It’s only $7 per resident of Saskatchewan, or 50 cents per gopher.

- Saskatchewan is fast becoming Canada’s hotspot for tourism.

Brent: Want me to fill it up?
Man: Sure. You know I’ve never driven across Saskatchewan before.
Brent: Well, you still haven’t really. About halfway to go yet.
Man: Sure is flat.
Brent: How do you mean?
Man: You know, flat. Nothing to see.
Brent: What do you mean, like topographically? Hey Hank, this guy says Saskatchewan is flat.
Hank: How do you mean?
Brent: Topographically, I guess. He says there’s nothin’ to see.
Hank: There’s lots to see. There’s nothin’ to block your view.
Brent: There’s lots to see. Nothin’ to block your view. Like the mountains back there. They’re uh… Well, what the hell? I could’ve sworn there was a big mountain range back there. Juttin’ up into the sky all purple and majestic. I must be thinkin’ of a postcard I saw or somethin’. Hey, it is kinda flat, thanks for pointin’ that out.
Man: You guys always this sarcastic?
Brent: Nothin’ else to do.

Source- Corner Gas

- It’s a great excuse to spend 700K on high-definition images of the province. (See above photo).

- If Saskatchewan manages to convince at least 100 families (realistic) to vacation in the province, it will only cost $70,000 per family.

This comment on the Leader Post’s story says it all:

Oh my there are a bunch of whiners. Canada gets the oppertunity to  be on the world stage for the 1st time in 22 years and people are complaining that we want to showcase Saskatchewan to the world?

We actually do have a tourist industry here, whether you believe it or not. This can and will help tourism. I’ll bet half of you haters don’t even know that we have white water rafting on this province. Some of the best hunting and fishing (although I don’t like either) in the world.

4.1 mill is tiny for this kind of advertising. And before you all bash, I actually am a NDP supporter, but I also believe in taking advantage of opportunity when it arrises.

They can raise our taxes by $10.00 this year and it’s paid for. Relax, it’s not that much.

By the way, you do know that our neighbors in Manitoba are spending more. All provinces except NB are having pavillions.

Or this one:

Why do all the tax dollars always have to go towards the poor?  What have the poor people ever done for us? It’s nice that the tax dollars get spent on entertainment once and awhile.  I work hard and pay lots of taxes – it’s nice that I get to enjoy them once in awhile instead of seeing that money wasted on useless people who are too lazy find a job and work hard.

Thanks Saskatchewan for helping us out.

Don’t let “oppertunity” pass you by.

photo credit: Jordon

Things To Do In Vancouver – An Olympic Guide For Visitors

Here’s a first in my series of the Best Of Vancouver List, for those brave enough to make the trip to Vancouver for the 2010 Olympics.

You won’t find these on any of those tourist site, and they are guaranteed to be a “tourist trap” free zone.

1) Best Street for Restaurants: West 4th Avenue – walk over the Burrard Street Bridge and then hang a right on 4th. Blows away Robson Street. My favorite is still is Sophie’s Cosmic Cafe. (2095 West 4th Avenue). In general, if it’s on this street, it’s good.

2) Best spots for a “walk on the wild side”. Keep in mind that Vancouver rolls up the carpet around 10. They’ll have a lot of “Olympic” events that will be going on on Georgia street – I’d avoid this all together, unless you’re accompanied by a bobsled team.

Here’s a few spots that will give you the Vancouver Experience:

The Amsterdam Cafe. – 301 West Hastings Street.. Like the ads says: The New Amsterdam Cafe™ is North America’s Premiere Smoke friendly Cafe. You can have a coffee and a joint at this quaint hangout. Just don’t ask to bum or buy anything. The crackdown on sales started a while back. Take you time, visit with the locals outside… this is Vancouver when the games are not in town.

The Yale: The Yale Hotel began in the mid 1880’s as a CPR bunkhouse – now is a place to catch the Blues. The Vancouver Blues Festival is running during the Olympics, and although Vancouver isn’t know for the blues.. it’s worth catching. Hopefully they’ll have some great bands in for the games.

Skip the Capilano Suspension bridge and walk down a mountain bank to Wreck Beach. (Northwest Marine Drive & University Blvd). A lot more swinging going on here, although there’s that “shrinkage” factor in February.

More later…

photo credit: Proggie

2010 Olympics – How About A Mega-Yacht?

Pulitzer Material

The only credible mainstream-media in America is going for a Pulitzer.

From the Washington Post:

National Enquirer submitting John Edwards coverage for Pulitzer

The executive editor of the National Enquirer says he plans to enter his paper’s work on the John Edwards scandal for a Pulitzer Prize.

Don’t laugh.

“It’s clear we should be a contender for this,” Barry Levine said by phone Thursday, hours after the former presidential candidate admitted what the newspaper had been reporting all along: that he is the father of Rielle Hunter’s baby. “The National Enquirer, a supermarket tabloid, was able to publish this reporting.”

Although the staff never doubted its reports that Edwards had fathered a baby girl with his former campaign videographer, Levine said, “there is vindication, finally. Mr. Edwards kept the story alive much longer than it needed to be kept alive with his denials. He has only himself to blame.”

Although the Enquirer stories may or may not be prize-winning material — the tabloid’s most significant disclosures came in 2007 and 2008, and this year’s Pulitzers will honor material published in 2009 — there is no question that the paper scooped the rest of the media world.

The irony would be if they win.