Retired Blogs That Should Be Brought Back To Life
In response to the Independent’s latest article:
Climate change special: Twelve days to save the world
We face a threat as terrible as the rise of fascism, says Johann Hari. Now we must rise to the challenge.
President Nasheed says: “Copenhagen can be one of two things. It can be an historic event where the world unites against carbon pollution in a collective spirit of co-operation and collaboration, or Copenhagen can be a suicide pact. The choice is that stark.”
Let’s go all out… from a retired blog that provides some of the answers to the challenges we face today.
How to eat a polar bear and live to tell about it
Polar bear meat is an excellent source of iron and protein. Polar bear fat is a great source of vitamin A and omega-3 fatty acids. Recipe: Polar bear meat is usually baked or boiled in a soup or stew. And according to this Inuit website, please remember one very important thing. Do not to eat your polar bear raw. They suggest cooking polar bear meat and adding potatoes and carrots for a healthy stew. Serve it with bannock and a glass of milk or unsweetened juice. Again, to prevent trichinosis, make sure your polar bear is well cooked. Aging or freezing the big-lug will not destroy the worms found in his meat. If you plan to eat a polar bear, as I do, also note that polar bear liver should never be tasted as it can be poisonous and fatal. The Eskimos even go on to say, “it is never to be fed to the dogs.”
How my liberal plumber robbed me of my hot showers
As a follow up to my previous post…be sure to check your water heater thermostat. Make sure your temperature setting is set to the maximum. I had the plumber out a few months ago and ever since, I’ve noticed the water hadn’t been getting as hot as it used to. Come to find out, that idiot turned my thermostat down. I’ve found that the high temperature setting allows me to take a longer shower. A buddy of mine explains that it may have something to do with hot/cold mixture at the shower valve. With a higher temperature setting, less hot water needs to mix with the cold water in order to make my shower comfortable. By using the stored hot water at a slower rate, I’m able to extend my shower a good 10 minutes.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
How to get a stronger shower by removing the flow restrictors
There are strict laws in place that force manufacturers to limit the amount of water that a faucet and/or shower head can deliver in a given amount of time. It is a terrible law that forces God-fearing Americans to suffer through weak showers….the kind of shower that only a prisoner might enjoy. Before installing a new shower head, I ALWAYS REMOVE THE FLOW RESTRICTORS at the bottom of the shower head inlet. The process is fairly simple and normally requires nothing more than a couple of screwdrivers to remove the parts and punch out the plastic flow restrictor. With a little work you too can enjoy the strong stream of water you deserve.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Learn to smoke some BBQ and liberals will hate you
Well, when you’re ready to ramp up your contribution to global green house gases, this is a fantastic way to start. Man oh man, there is nothing better than a big fat, greasy BBQ smoker with pound after pound of thick smoke pouring from its vents. Simply awesome! For the past year I’ve been steadily improving my BBQ skills. I bought a little trash can type water smoker last summer. However, it never seemed to get hot enough. So, this past weekend I decided to step up and join the big boys. I purchased (used on Craigs List for about 30 bucks) a much larger horizontal smoker with a separate fire box. I started at around 10pm on Saturday and cooked pretty much anything I could defrost, prep and get on the grill fast enough. I even made two separate trips (in my gas guzzling SUV) to the market…just to buy meat for the grill. By the end of Sunday I had completely burned through 2 full bags of charcoal and about 10lbs of hickory wood.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Facts about human farting and global warming
Did you know? About 1/3 of human beings produce farts which contain methane gas. Gastrointestinal Gas (Ch. 17 in Gastroenterology, v. 4, 1976) First of all, if you’re a methane producer, congratulations! Second your backdoor trumpet should be revered and worshiped by the rest of us. You should stand tall with your methane producing booty bomb held high. Let your colon cologne waft freely behind you…And let others know that you are a proud contributor to the increase of global warming. More: “Did you know?”
- The average person produces about a half liter of fart gas per day.
- The average person farts about 14 times a day.
- Women’s farts have a higher concentration of odor-causing gases than men’s farts
Friday, February 16, 2007
Slaughter an animal and melt an iceberg with one drive-thru
When my SUV arrived at the Burger King drive-thru this evening I was presented with a dilemma. BK has this new dollar menu with a dozen or so different items. The problem was #1, what do I want? #2 If I liked what I got, would I want more?
Of course the Global BBQ way to solve this problem was to order 2 regular hamburgers, 2 Rodeo Cheeseburgers and 2 Whopper Juniors. I figured that I would take a bite or two of each one, eat the burgers that I liked and simply toss the others into a dumpster.
With the help of Burger King, I managed to accomplish a couple of great things:
- Together we contributed to the slaughter and consumption of an animal for food.
- The amount of energy expelled during the grilling process could have powered a small nation for approximately six minutes.
- I am responsible for almost 25lbs of green house gases being released into the atmosphere
- I am responsible for 35 cubic inches of waste which will end up in a local landfill
- I’ve confirmed the fact that cheese, onion rings and barbecue sauce really don’t mix. And that the Rodeo cheeseburger was a terrible idea.
..and for the record, 4 of the six burgers were thrown in the trash.